It's such a shame that as women we grow up with and deal with this garbage. Women aren't just more likely to experience consensual sex that's bad , painful and unsatisfying , they are also socialised to prioritise men's pleasure over their own, explains sex and relationship therapist Lisa Torney. Right from the start there is almost this 'Your needs are greater than mine'. Women ignoring discomfort and not prioritising their own pleasure is at the heart of many sexual issues.
So how can we unpack these issues to have healthier, more meaningful relationships and better sex? Pain, discomfort and fear of being hurt are some, says Ms Torney, referring to research. The study, led by feminist psychologist Sara McClelland from the University of Michigan, found men and women imagined a very different "low-end" of a sexual satisfaction scale.
No male participants used terms with this degree of negative affect," Professor McClelland writes. Ms Torney says basically for women it's about protection and pain, whereas for men it's about "getting it at all" and orgasm. We also know straight women are much less likely to orgasm through partnered sex than men. Australian data shows She says sexual pain is more common in the context of penis-vagina penetrative sex, and can arise in the context of lack of lubrication or vaginismus.
Because of a gender inequity in healthcare , helping men have better sex has been a higher priority than for women. For example, journalist Lili Loofbourow found medical journal PubMed has five times as many clinical trials on male sexual pleasure than it has on female sexual pain. It's why so many women with conditions like endometriosis which can cause painful sex go undiagnosed. Professor Ussher says many women feel having sex is just "part of the contract" in heterosexual relationships.
A lot of women fake orgasms to pretend to enjoy it," she says. Not only are we not taught about pleasure as part of our sex education growing up, women are often told their first time will hurt. Ella says she was never taught her own pleasure mattered, or encouraged to explore her own body — two things that held her back during those early sexual experiences. Nov 17, PM SexandDating. Here were the common threads we saw:. Star fishing — also known as dead fish, dead frog, or "just laying there.
Faking it. Comparing their current partner to their ex. Don't do it. Telling a guy how "big" he is. Then ask her if there was anything she especially liked, anything she would want more of or what she would like you to do differently.
The fix: Let her know that it really makes you hot hearing that she is enjoying herself, but that you would like to know what specific things feel best for her. The problem: You have some penis problems in the bedroom, but you never address them. The fix: Talk to her about it. The problem: You make the assumption that because you came, she came, too. The fix: Rule of thumb: she comes first.
Make sure that she is always pleased before you are. That way you can still have your happy ending knowing that she had her needs met as well. Sex 10 best sex positions for shy guys Try these low-key-but-effective moves if you're not into being raunchy. Read article. You skip foreplay The problem: You come home after thinking about sex all day and try to stick your penis in her right away.
Written by Diana Kelly. Related Articles.
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